Welcome Ukabu! Toad village is for toads!
Shinwicki know much, and tell Ukabu much!
Come here for wisdom from Shinwicki?
Ask Shinwicki a question, Ukabu!
| Oh Ukabu, has Shinwicki got something for you! D.W. Bradley gave time to Shinwicki for questions. So here are questions! Ukabu-Bradley good, so Shinwicki good! |
LEGAL DISCLAIMER: The statements contained herein are not meant to be construed as representative of those statements made by D.W. Bradley, game developer for Heuristic Park. Rather, they are the statements of Donny Wilson Bradley, a butcher working on his Class F license in Cleveland, Ohio. Nevertheless, his uncanny knowledge of Wizards and Warriors and certified delusion in thinking he was the Heuristic Park D.W. Bradley led us to treat his statements as truth. When told of this development, Shinwicki responded "Why different Ukabus have same name? In toad-village (which is for toads!) toads have one name. Me not say, Hey, where Ekbu? and other toad say "Which Ekbu?" Other toad say "He in guard hut" or "He swim in big water, Shinwicki." Crazy Ukabus, with same name for not same toad! I not believe it. Even Ukabus not that crazy!"
SECONDARY, NON-LEGAL (ILLEGAL?) DISCLAIMER: So far, I've had two emails from people asking if I hate the game. If I hated the game, would I devote a web site to it? *lol* No friends, this is not a derisive web site; I really do think it is a great game. That's what makes it so fun to poke at its foibles; like a wizened grandmother picking cat hairs off of her delicious chocolate-cookies, so shall I playfully "pick" at the peccadillos of this wonderful game.
D.W. Bradley: First of all, thanks for inviting me to your hut for this interview. It has a lovely view and the bug soup was .. interesting, to say the least. Now, about those inns: I actually did a considerable amount of research on the subject before integrating them into the game as they are now. You see, I felt that there had to be a centralized thematic concept, a "common thread", if you will, amongst inns. So, I spent the last four months of the Wizards and Warrior development cycle visiting various inns around the country. I must have burned through $20,000 in four months, staying at a different inn every night! Yet, each night, when I stayed in my room and slept until morning, I felt I was missing something.. something important. Finally, it hit me: All of those hotels, or "inns" if you will, had people that magically appeared! You see, every morning, I saw people coming OUT of rooms, often when I had never seen them go INTO the rooms! So, it became a natural progression to make the inns in Wizards and Warriors as realistic as possible; making their sole purpose a place where people are magically created!
Ukabu-Bradley, why you no letting people spend night in inn when sun leaves? Isn't what inn for, to stay in?
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| Next up, on bugs! Why people no like bugs? People say "Shinwicki, too many bugs in Wizards and Warriors!" Why they say that? Shinwicki say, not enough bugs! Bugs good. Glowflies good! Hard to catch, but once do, yummm! |
D.W. Bradley: I'm glad to hear you say that, Shinwicki. So many people moan and complain, saying things like "I can't even play the game, it crashes to the desktop on me!", "Why can't I go down ladders?", "Did you guys even beta test this piece of *** in the four years you worked on it?" etc., etc. All of this negativity! The truth of the matter is, our final bug-crunch cycle was attenuated when I had to do all of my inn research. Just think, if I'd taken the time to eliminate hundreds of potentially game-crashing bugs, you might never have been able to magically create people in inns! Worse, they might have been some boring place where you could spend the night or something like that. Good thing I took the mantle of opportunity to do some research!
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| You mention ladders, Ukabu-Bradley. Shinwicki wonder too.. when going down ladder, make bad fall, Shinwicki say ouch! Ladders are bad, so Shinwicki is bad. Why you not come home early from insane inn-journey and fix ladders so no more ouch for Shinwicki? |
D.W. Bradley:Well, believe it or not, this was once again a topic in which I vested much research in. It all started when I was cleaning the gutters on my house; I started down the ladder, and slipped. When I fell down (make bad fall, as you might say, Shinwicki! *chuckle*), I realized that this was a chance to revolutionize the computer role playing scene, to carefully wrap an aphoristic metaphor around a simple concept! In most games, you can go up or down ladders without much problem. But here, in my game, you have to carefully baby-step to the edge, then hope that you can make it down without crashing to the bottom. You've probably noticed, you usually fall anyway. In other words, I've made it an allegory for life; for most of us, even if we try to "baby-step" our way around a problem, we usually end up screwing it up and "taking a fall" anyway!
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| You crazier than shit-hut rat, Ukabu-Bradley. No more Ukabu-brew for you! Next I have question from young toad in toad village. Toad village is for toads! Toadling want know why you make walls so fun to look at in Toad-caves. Every time toad try go through, there toad, staring at wall and not move! Toadling push and push, but toad just stare at wall! Why you do that? |
D.W. Bradley:Once again, this brilliant schematic stemmed from heavy research. What's one of the greatest complaints people register against computer games? Realistic movement. It's very difficult to simulate different walking speeds over various terrain; you have to compensate for sound file length, foley effects, etc.; it's hard to gradually map travel speed without getting a "herky-jerky" effect. I found this especially difficult to do in the underground Toad area; moving through there made me rather dizzy! So, I decided it would be easier to just not let the player move at all! A couple of strategically placed toads did the trick; while it may be a little frustrating not to be able to complete a quest because of a damn toad in your way, in the long run I think players will thank me for taking the time to protect them from potential vertigo.
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| Thank you for time, Ukabu-Bradley! That all time toads have today for question. See you soon Ukabu! |
11/30/2000
| Greet again, Ukabu! Guess what Shinwicki have for warm-skin. Right, questions! Ukabu-Bradley say he answer more, so here questions! |
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| Have question from xenotoca. Question say "Why rusty swords so hard to know what is? Once pick up hundred swords, even dumbest Ukabu should know what sword is. Why so much rust? Why not knowing what is?" |
D.W. Bradley: An interesting question, and one that was debated heavily amongst our programmers. If you look careful at the soil density and overall climatic conditions in the Gael, such as no rain whatsoever, you'd assume there would be a definite lack of humiditiy. When a region receives an average of zero inches of rain per year, this typically lends itself to an arid, desert like biome. This, in turn, would slow the onset of corrosion, which is a result (in the sword's case) of the iron in the sword reacting with the oxygen in the moist air. The formation of rust is a complex process which is thought to begin with the oxidation of iron to ferrous (iron "+2") ions. Once these...
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| Ukabu Bradley, what in toadem are you speaking? Ask about swords, not about oxidation! Quit crazy big-head devil-magic talk and answer question! Rust Swords! not know what is! Why! |
D.W. Bradley: *snaps to attention* Right, right! Sorry Shinwicki, I got a little carried away there. Yes, rusty swords. Well, we made this design decision because we felt that most game developers were ignoring a crucial concept in item management; the uniqueness of the items! That's correct.. in most games, a long sword is a long sword. Not here! Why, that one rusty sword might have a duller blade, or a different color rust. True, they all look exactly the same, and you may be thinking "Gee, another crappy sword I found off of a scoundrel. Though it looks identical to the other 65 I found today, it could be something special! I better not say it's a "rusty sword", beacause under all that grime, it might only be a partially-rusty sword, or an in-crappy-condition sword, or a second-hand-piece-of-sh** sword. So I better pay the shopkeeper an outrageously inflated identification price just to be sure." And that's what we're all about, here at Joe's meats.. err, I mean Heuristic Park; giving players choices, allowing them the ability to make their own decisions. Not forcing them to "automatically identify" something just because they've picked up a few hundred of the exact same item. We're all about freedom of action!
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| Next from Ukabu-Xenotoca too. Question he wants know: "Why party dance like crazy toad when try pick thing off ground? Why move around in circles like dizzy glowfly when click on thing? Why not just get thing and save dance for later?" |
D.W. Bradley: *sheepish grin* Well, well, I wondered if anyone would catch that. You see, though my career as a game developer has a been a successful one, I've always held aspirations for another line of work. Now, don't laugh Shinwicki, but I always wanted to be a... a.. a beautiful ballerina. To feel the lights on me and my little pink tu-tu, the roar of the crowd, the adoring smiles from the fans, the flowers they throw.. to stand there in the lime-light, to be pretty, and graceful. Not some big hairy man who can barely hit the right keys on his keyboard sometimes! So.. *dabs face with hankerchief* where was I, yes, the dancing! Well, this was my little attempt to inject a bit of beauty in the game.. how many games do you know, when you click on something, you actually go and pick the thing up? *chuckles* Too many, I'd say. Here, as your character contemplates the importance of picking up the item, he may gracefully pirouette, spinning in beautiful circles; perhaps pausing to ruminate on the proper positioning to perform a flawless saut de basque before continuing on his way. I even thought of having a few sound bites from "Swan Lake" to accompany this elegant movement. Alas, I thought that might be a bit much; let the player grow misty eyed, creating his or her own memory from the elaborate tour de Promenade, for the scant few minutes it plays. As to the logistics of creating such an amazing game feature, it was remarkably easy! All I had to do was remove 90% of the pathfinding code, and, voila! Instant ballet.
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| So Ukabu-Bradley say want wear girl-clothes and leap about Ukabus in tights with bulging genitals? No more peace-pipe for Ukabu Bradley! Xenotoca say one more question: "Why barrels everywhere, but not stuff in barrels? Why crates all sealed up with no way open but smash? And then, when smash, find nothing. Or if rare time find something, just garbage?" |
D.W. Bradley: Much like the rusty sword conundrum, this issue caused considerable consternation amongst the programmers. Some said, "Players like to get something when they take the time to do something. Why not have less barrels, less crates, but make it more likely that there's actually something in them?" Others said, "Well, it may be a pain in the patoot for them to have to smash hundreds of the things, but they can't help it; it a role-playing gamer's ADDICTION: if they see a crate, or a barrel, they have to smash it! Plus, it should add another 20 hours or so of riveting game play to the game, having to smash all of the 50,000 crates and barrels in there." I chuckled as I listened to the observations of my co-workers. Once again, while they sat in their little cubbies and plugged formulas and contemplated statistics, I was ready to head out into the real-world, and do some field research. I thought to myself, "Why not see what I can find, to add a realistic touch to the game, as I did with the inns?" So, I grabbed my trusty tire-iron, and headed off down the street, looking for barrels and crates to smash. The first barrel I found happened to be at the end of my driveway. Pleased by this rapid discovery, I immediately commenced to whaling on the barrel with my tire-iron. An old lady passed by on the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street right about then, looked at me, and started running off in the opposite direction. No doubt to find some barrels to smash herself! "Just doing some research for my game, m'am! Talk to you later!" I yelled to her retreating form, as I crashed my tire-iron into the barrel. Finally, I broke through the side of the barrel. What did I find! Just a big bag of trash! "Ah ha!" I thought. "Garbage!" Here I began to compile a quantative list, in order to ensure accuracy. You can't build a game feature off of one sample! So, I walked over to the neighbors yard. There, also, was a barrel. I smashed this one too. Inside, just as I suspected, was nothing but trash! I pawed through the cold oatmeal and peach pits for a minute, just to make sure I hadn't missed some "treasure" in there. Suddenly, I heard my neighbor yelling at me from the window: "Get the hell out of my yard, Bradley, or I'm calling the cops!" My neighbor! Such a kidder. As if he didn't know I was doing research for my game. I threw him a big grin and a wave, and set off down the street. At first I was alarmed that I hadn't yet collected any crate data; then, I realized that a crate was just a big square barrel, really. Content with my objective data collection method, I set off for home, ready to integrate this realistic paradigm of barrel contents into my game.
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| Thank for time again, Ukabu-Bradley! I must say that my earlier say that you crazy as shit-hut rat not fair to rat. So thank! And see again, you, Ukabu! Toad village is for toads! |
12/03/2000
| Hardly back in pond for swim, and warm-skin send more question! Ukabu-Bradley say have time answer, so here question! |
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| Sure no want more bug-stew? Look green, Ukabu-Bradley. Green is good color for toad, so Ukabu-Bradley must be good! Not so pale-skin like before. Anyway, have question: It say "Why people in game talk so much about so little? Go on and on in speech about nothing and make crazy talk?" |
D.W. Bradley: *holding hand over mouth* Th..thanks Shinwicki, but that's more than enough bug stew for now. Green may be good for toads, but it's generally not a healthy skin tone for warm-skins. Anyway, about those NPCs! Well, it all began when we were constructing the dialogue trees; as you probably know, one of the biggest problems with most computer role playing games is that the non player characters often have the tendency to talk about things that are interesting, or at least somewhat relevant to the player. Not so here! Here, in Wizards and Warriors, you'll be lucky if you get an NPC to say something that even resembles a complete sentence, let alone something that is informative, or pertinent to your quest. One of my favorite dialogue features is when the NPC will repeat the same idiotic phrase over and over; it always made me giggle when I heard D'Soto say "Wait" or "Do not take your leave!" 6 or 7 times in a row, driving one or another of my play-testers into a psychotic frenzy waiting for his ass to shut up. "I got your sacred word right here, D'Soto!!" I remember hearing one of my play-testers say, while she shook her fist at the screen. *shakes head* Ah, those were the days. We had well over 50 play-testers beg us to allow the dialogue to be clicked through. Deep down, though, I know the player appreciates the work that went into the voice-acting; what better way to perpetuate that appreciation than by hearing the same thing 6 or 7 times in a row, without being able to stop it or bypass it? It draws an intriguing metaphor to my ballet code; some game companies, they'll spend a lot of time making things "convenient", or "intuitive" for the player. I say, is this really doing anyone a favor? Is "life" convenient? When your boss is blabbing on about your poor job performance, or your failure to follow basic company hygeine guidelines, or the fact that you were caught trying to smuggle frozen pork chops out of the food freezer by hiding them in your underwear again, can you just make a "click" sound and get him to stop? No, I don't think so. Just like my research on inns, and barrels, I'm here to give the player the most realistic adventure possible. If this means I have to populate my game with barely coherent morons who ramble on about God knows what, then that's what I'll do.
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| *Shinwicki just stares at D.W. Bradley for about a minute before going on.* Put pork chop in underwear? Not want know. Must be warm-skin thing. Next... up have thing need know by David. Say "when jump, jump short except when look sky. When look sky can't see where land. Why must look sky to jump high?" |
D.W. Bradley: Ah, I'm pleased to find my players deliving into the more esoteric components of the game! In most games I know, when you hit the jump button, your jump height is affected only by one thing: how fast you are going at the time you depress the jump key/button. Is this really the kind of message we want to be sending our young people? "If you go fast, you can get high more easily." No, I don't think so, kids. That's not the kind of thing D.W. Bradley encourages! So, in my game, if you want to get "high", there's only one way: The all natural way, getting high off of Jesus! That's right, when you look up at the sky for guidance from above, then you can truly reach your goals and soar. And as to not being able to see where you land because you have to look up at the sky to jump.. well, I think we all know Who's watching your feet on the way down. So there's nothing to worry about! I want to hear you say "Holy Christ Almighty how come I can't make this jump?" right before plummeting into the pit of lava for the 32nd time. Then, once you realize you must look past your silly "speed-based-physics", and look skyward for inspiration, you shall be able to overcome. The idea actually came to me when I was passing one of the play-tester's cubicles; I heard him bellowing at the top of his lungs, "Jesus Christ how do I kill these man-traps!?!" It was then that I knew that there was a deeply-rooted need for divine guidance in this game; a chance to pray for direction when the way was not obvious. Thus, when you find yourself careening into a pit of lava in my game, or crashing to the bottom of an elevator, know that you only need to look skyward for the answer to get through it the next time.
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| Thank toadem, that all time we have for question today. Be good warm-skins! |
good! Not vote, Shinwicki bad. So vote, Ukabu!
| Poll | ||
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There have been warm-skins in the shaman hut!