Baby Boomer combines two of the things that Americans love best; babies and firearms. With a combination like that, how can you go wrong?

		Colour Dreams is pretty much synonomous with quality in the world of Nintendo. When you see a colour dreams logo, you know that you're about ready to enjoy top-notch graphics, sound, and gameplay. You also enjoy your head tentacles and barbed forelimbs, as it's obvious that you're in a different universe than this one if you have a Colour Dreams game that is playable, let alone fantastic.
	In Baby Boomer, you play the role of a gun-crazed babysitter out to defend a baby trying to return to its mother at all costs. I say 'a' baby, because you seem to have several babies that you're taking care of. If one falls off a cliff or gets eaten by a snake, it's not a big deal - you have some back-up babies just in case. On the intro screen, Colour Dreams teaches us proper safety techniques by informing us not to shoot the nuggets. Note that they don't mention not shooting the baby.
		You might wonder why the babysitter, doesn't just pick the baby up and carry it to its mother. Don't. It's safer that way. Just know that this is one determined baby, and it's up to you to dispatch of anything that moves that might try to hop near baby. Take for example, this hopping cricket-frog - looks harmless enough, doesn't it? You won't be thinking harmless when its razor sharp leg hairs puncture baby's face!
	Your guess is as good as mine, folks. I imagine it's some sort of rat, but my girlfriend mentioned that those spikes on its face make it look sort of like a rhinocerous. Also, it seems to have 5 legs. Whatever the hell it is, I can definitely understand not wanting to let it get close to baby.
		Snakes always seem to get a bad rap in Nintendo games; if they're not trying to kill you, they are there only to be swung upon. Colour Dreams bravely breaks no boundaries, casting the poor cute snake as a savage beast bent on a mouthful of succulent baby flesh.
	I'm about to let you in on a little something. I have a secret. A dark, dirty secret. Something that makes me stare at my feet and might get me arrested in the midwest. I actually played all of the way through Baby Boomer - and, I took screenshots. Now my shame will be your shame, as you read this review.
		Hold on to your seat, kiddies, because you're in for a treat. In addition to the review, you also get a rundown of some of the HOTTEST strategies and tips for Baby Boomer! This is stuff you won't get anywhere else!
	Milk Don't let baby boomer run out of milk! If you do, he dies of prolonged dehydration, his terrified cries waning into hoarse croaking as his tiny body goes into shock! To refill baby's life meter, simply shoot it with your pistol when the tot is close, allowing the razor-sharp bottle fragments to fly into baby's face!
		Snowflakes Oh no! There are lots of pits and cliffs that baby must avoid. Shoot a cloud, stalagtite, or torch to make a snowflake fall and create a barrier that baby can walk on. Be quick, or baby will fall into the pit, his piteous shrieks of terror echoing in your head for the rest of your ruined, miserable life!
	The Cemetery Goodness! Baby has survived the perils of the garden. Now it's time for the cemetery... what sort of horrors from beyond the grave await to permanently scar his psyche and retard his normal mental development?
		The Ravenous Undead As if you, the babysitter, didn't have enough to worry about with slithery snakes and crazy crickets, now the ravenous undead are after the tot! Be especially careful with these bony bozos - not only will they rend the flesh of baby, but they will strip his soul from his body, causing him to be cast into the fiery pits of hell. There, Satan himself will use baby's hollowed-out skull as a vessel from which to gorge himself on the blood of the damned!
	Fountains of Blood Remember, when baby gets thirsty, make sure to give him bottles of refreshing, nutritious milk. Don't let the playful tot accidentally take a sip from a fountain filled with the putrid, still-warm blood of sinners bound for Hell's inner circle!
		Heaven After happily crawling throuh a decaying, ghoul-ridden cemetery, our chubby cherub is rewarded with a trip to the pearly gates! If there's anything that televangelists have taught us, it's that the only thing that God loves more than healthy, caucasian babies is guns! And lots of them! So don't be shy, and start shooting up heaven to deter the occassional angel, bird, or saint that gets a bit close to baby.
	The Gates of Hell Oh my! It appears Mommy wasn't in heaven. We must journey into the fiery pits of Hell to see if she's there. Watch those bubbling pits of lava. They'll reduce tender infant flesh to ashes in no time flat!
		Lesser Demon Don't take your eye off of this dinky demon! Despite being a shrimp, he's clearly up to full-size mischeif! He'll sneak up behind baby, skewering the squealing tot on a razer-tipped pitchfork. Then, he'll tear baby's delicate body to pieces to get at the still-beating heart, which will be offered to his dark master in an unholy sacrifice!
	Mines of Madness Well Gosh Darn it! Where did that crazy Mommy go? After emerging from the bowels of Hell, baby finds himself in a haunted mine. Vengeful spirits of miners who perished in agony from Black Lung, or suffocated deep within the silent chambers of the Earth after cave-ins wait to take out their eternal anguish on Baby's unspoiled body!
		Morgue of Lost Souls Oh, bother! Mommy wasn't in that creepy mine, either. Baby next crawls into a morgue, filled with the putrescent, decaying remains of all humans who died in sin. All that can be heard is a cacophony of undead spirits, shrieking in eternal torment. Hold your breath in there, toddler! The vile, poisonous gas rising from the maggot-infested corpses of the unclean are sure to upset your tummy!
	Caverns of Terror Drat! No mommy to be found anywhere. Next, baby finds his way into another mine - this time one fileld with phantom mine carts that seek to carry baby's mutilated corpse into the Underworld, Dynamite that waits to rip baby's body apart with concussive force, and jackhammers that leap about like jumpin' jackrabbits, eager for a chance to shatter baby's bones and tear through his flesh!
		Pipes of Pain At last, back into the sunshine! The warm rays of Mr. Sun feel good on baby's bloody, ash-covered body. But wait! There's all sorts of things to watch for here in Pipe Land... quicksand that waits to suck baby down, its murky depths seeming to burble with delight wanting baby's lungs to fill with foul, stagnant mud.
	Pipes of Pain Two! Who's the plumber that put down these crazy pipes? If you're not careful, and let baby go into the wrong pipe, baby will be dumped head first into the ocean, to be devoured by piranha, as you look on, horrified but powerless to stop the fish from ripping the bloody flesh from his very bones!
		A Grim Reunion MOMMMMYY!! Finally, baby has made it back to the loving arms of his mother. Tears of joy stream down his cheeks as he crawls, gleefully, into the cushioned bassinet. He immediately turns to her, arms beseeching her, needing her tender embrace to help reclaim a part of himself after the horrors and toils he's faced. Suddenly, his mouth transforms into a comical 'O' of surprise - this is not his Mommy! As Mommy glares down, her she-demon face shining with hatred, he learns, too late, that he has crawled into the wrong bassinet. Stripped of his reason for going on, Baby Boomer falls into a bottomless depression, his small, frail chest letting out a chilling wail and a few choking sobs before his heart breaks, sending him forever into the cold, unforgiving embrace of death.
	Well, that's all for now kids! I hope this guide has helped you in loving, learning, and having fun along with Baby Boomer. See you next time!	THE END

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