BEEPS N BLIPS I really expected nothing at all from this one, given the title, but strangely enough it turned out to be one of the more interesting titles! It has a number of things that distinguish it from most of the other games. visible character change - as you collect 1 UP bars, your ship grows larger with each one. change in enemy types with level swaps - they actually get faster and seem to track you in the third level. Well, I didn't say it was a long or even an exciting list - but there you have it. You fly around, grab 1 ups, and shoot the space ships. Yay! Action-52 Rating:   6

MANCHESTER Machester, beautiful scenic manchester. Did you know it was home to musical note blocks, flying shiruken and vibrating punks? In this inappropriately named beat-em-up, you jump and punch your way through the streets of Manchester. Now, I'm not a ninja - far from it - but even I know that punching flaming shiruken that are hurtling toward you with your fist is a bad idea. The only neat thing about this one is the fire you encounter - if one of the thugs runs into it, his head catches on fire and he flies around the screen. Nice. Action-52 Rating:   23

BOSS A wolfman, fighting green blobs in the ghetto. Strange big green guys in trenchcoats throw green squares at you, and you have to dodge killer balloons dropped by gigantic hands. Who is the boss? Are you the boss? Are you trying to find the boss? We may never know. Action-52 Rating:   34

DEDANT Da da da da .. oh, excuse me! I was singing along to the catchy music in Dedant. Actually, it somewhat annoying, but mesmerizing at the same time. One of the better shooters on here, DEDANT pits you, a sickly flesh-colored ant, against a much more attractive group of purple and green ants. Sometimes winged ants and honey-ants will show up, making things a bit more difficult. The fact that you can disappear off of the left or right hand sides of the screen and reappear on the opposite sides make this one a bit more fun. Action-52 Rating:   4

HAMBO HAMBO! He's a pig, so he's not Rambo, He's HAMBO! WAhaha! Whatever you call him, HAMBO'S ADVENTURES are DYNO-MITE! There are 10 different stages, adn they all exhibit some variation. That's right, TEN! You can tell I'm excited after making it all of the way through 10 levels. Without the help of in-game emulator-saves, I doubt I would have been able to do this. You're a pig, dodging balls and climbing up ladders. I think this one struck me as more fun because you have an attainable goal - the rather neat looking exit at the end of each level. Most of the games on here just randomnly warp you to the next level when you score enough points. In this one, HAMBO must bravely jump balls and other beach crap to achieve his lifelong dream. The music is also strangely invigorating. It's HAMBO! Action-52 Rating:   2

TIME FORCE TICKERS Whooa... WHOA! This definitely gets classified as one of the craziest games I've played. It makes Sanitarium look like Minesweeper. You have a pair of fingers (at least I guess they're fingers - I'd hate to think what else they could be) that you control, and when you flick your fingers it kills the random eyeballs, snakes, and tiny black men that race toward you. What's strange is that when you kill something, the words "time?" pop up where a corpse should be. Is this some hidden code? Or was it a placeholder where an artist forgot to stick something in there? In addition to that bit of madness, there are also upside down doors, signs, and clocks scattered about. Trippy. Action-52 Rating:   29

JIGSAW After the incredible adrenaline rush of HAMBO, it was admittedly hard to get excited about this ugly Jigsaw game. You're a sick old carpenter who thinks that his tools have come to life and are trying to kill him. Actually, they HAVE come to life and they ARE trying to kill him. You can shoot nails out of your face, which helps, but the horrible jumping and eye-abusing color palette may prove too much even for the most stalwart handy-man. Action-52 Rating:   45

NINJA ASSAULT A very cheap, poorly done rip-off of Ninja Gaiden. You have your token birds (which seem to hate all ninjas), dogs, and ninjas. Nevertheless, it's one of the best ones on the cart, because it does have a life meter and several distinct levels. Among the exciting levels I found: Level 1: A strangely refletive row of torches, where birds, dogs, and ninjas attack you in a strangely soothing fashion. Level 2: A fight with a fearsome red ninja who sometimes makes you slide across the room for no reason. Level 3: A dangerous jump over numerous flashing logs! Touching a flashing log will kill you ALMOST instantly. If you are quick, you can sometimes leap away. Thoise evil ninjas, electrifying pond logs! Curses! Level 4: The sprites were all jumbled on this board - whether this was the rom or if the developers never imagined anyone making it this far is a mystery. Action-52 Rating:   7

ROBBIE N THE ROBOTS A short scary fat dumpy blonde man against an army of killer robots. It doesn't seem fair. However, Robbie's gun is quite powerful, and the entire first stage can be spent just pressing right and jamming on the attack button. Starting with level 2, you have a few jumps to make, which complicates matters somewhat. Pretty dull...zzzzzzzz..... Action-52 Rating:   40

ACTION GAMEMASTER / CHEETAHMEN Talk about saving the best for lest, sort of! This one shocked me with an actual cutscene and storyline intro. Amazing! It shows you, the intrepid game player, being.... well, I'd hate to spoil it for you. Needless to say, you control several different Cheetahs (each with their own picture and, supposedly, strengths.) What's kind of neat is that you face all of the enemies from the previous 51 games - all sort of flying at you randomly as you make your way through the stages. It's sort of quaint, and is one of the few titles in this collection where it felt like something besides a robotic marketing team was coming up with ideas. Action-52 Rating:   1

Finally! That wraps up this monumental review of Action 52. I do believe I'm probably the first person in the world to take the time to review each and every game on this cartridge with screenshots. I think something inside of me just died. Anyway, to be honest, they're all pretty lousy, and not a single one is worth much of your time. Still, some of them display a quaint enthusiasm that might coax a smile from you - especially Cheetahmen. You may have noticed that a lot of the games have the same numbers, or missing numbers - truth be told, I can't bear the thought of replaying each one to make a final decision on them all. So, let's do it this way: Below is the list of the 10 best selections on this cartridge. If you're bored, and want to experience the exciting world of Action 52, then these are the creme of the crop. You have been warned.

• Cheetahmen
• Hambo
• Ninja Assault
• Dedant
• Beeps N Blips
• Ooze
• Haunted Hill
• Cry baby
• Storm over D
• Lazer League

Machester deserves honorable mention because of the rare occurence of the thugs' heads catching on fire, and their subsequent flying around the screen. Time Warp Tickers gets a special nod as well, for being completely crazy. Time? Time?

Get the amazing, delicious Action 52 Rom RIGHT HERE!

1 2 3 4 5