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MEONG
All I can say on this one is... For the love of all that's holy, what is happening here? The game is called Meong. You control an ugly purple squiggle around a drab gray board. The buttons don't do anything. The D-pad makes you move slowly around the board, and you randomly explode. Does anyone understand this game? I played it several times and never managed to score a point. Is it completely broken, or am I just confused?
Action-52 Rating: 52
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SPACE DREAMS
Have you ever wanted to control a poorly-rendered pacifier and shoot legions of teddy bears, safety pins, mobiles, and assorted adult toys? Well, neither have I, but now's your chance. This one is just one step above terrible, nestled snugly between horrible and awful.
Action-52 Rating: 51
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STREEMERZ
The spelling on this game was so l33t, I thought for sure that I was in for a rollercoaster ride of fun. The problems begin to surface when you realize what you are; a midget in a clown suit with an eight foot long retractable penis. I realize I've just described half of my readers right there, but even so I have some serious issues with this one. For example, running into BAGS OF MONEY makes a frowny green face appear. If you have four or more frowny green faces appear, you lose a life. It looks like they never got past the collision detection dileniation between enemies and pick-ups. What's more, if you suffer through five minutes of climbing of ladders with your retractable penis, you get to a top platform - and nothing else happens. All you can do is jump off and die.
Action-52 Rating: 50
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SPREAD FIRE
Another God-awful shooter. You're a pink lobster that sits on the bottom and shoots globs of snot at crayon tips glued together with lard. Half of the time the enemy ships will just collide with you without killing you. The levels keep rising, though the only difficulty change is the willpower required not to smash your controller through the screen.
Action-52 Rating: 49
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BUBLGUM ROSY
This one started off promising; a scantily clad woman who could shoot a blue football out of her abdomen. Her jumping is terrible, the collision detection is horrendous, and the enemies are downright laughable. In all, one of the better games in the collection.
Action-52 Rating: 20
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MICRO MIKE
La La La WWWHHATTT? That was my first reaction when I first booted this one up. You're some sort of enraged, rabid dental chair flying at high speeds through a cave, being attacked by the Starship EnterpriseE I'm afraid you read that correctly. The game moves so fast that it took me 11 lives to survive more than 5 seconds. If you can last more than 30 seconds in this game without colliding with something, consider yourself actionlicious!
Action-52 Rating: 48
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UNDERGROUND
It's never a good sign when you start off by falling down a mine chute. Floating slowly toward certain death, you can sort of wiggle back and forth until you hit the bottom. It's a platformer with horrible collision detection. If you run into mushrooms you die. The biggest problem surfaces with the enemies; at one location, there are always two or three enemies moving back and forth in one location. It's impossible to get up a ladder and kill them fast enough to pass them before they kill you - thus preventing you from reaching the exit. I get the feeling that this is because there is no level after the exit..
Action-52 Rating: 47
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Rocket Jock
You're a dumpy guy weilding a lasso flying through a red-walled room on a giant metallic tampon, fighting cows and witches. Other game developers need to take note of this one. If it weren't for the terrible graphics and gameplay, the "tampon 'rassler" thing could have been huge.
Action-52 Rating: 46
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NOT HUMAN
NOT HUMAN. That's kind of a neat title for this one, and it's one of the better games in the package. The enemies actually look pretty good by Nintendo standards, though your main character really does look like a freak. Of course,,,, he's NOT HUMAN! Plus, this one lets you use both the A and the B buttons. Definitely in the top 15!
Action-52 Rating: 15
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CRY BABY
Hey, we're moving up in the world here! This one features several things that elevate it above most of the other titles in this package. It has an actual lifebar, that decreases when your character collides with a child, pervert, or flaming tersticle. Secondly, there are actual stages - they all play the same, but there are three different screens each with some graphical variations. Third, the music is actually kind of catchy. I felt a faint tingle of some long-forgotten sensation whilst playing this one... enjoyment!.
Action-52 Rating: 14
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SLASHERS
Incredibly... poor... Renegade... ripoff! That sums this one up quite nicely. You don't even get a left-facing character sprite. There are two different kinds of enemies; a pointy-boobed prostitute and a dirty, angered hobo. You can punch or kick - both have the same range and look equally ridiculous. You're on top of a roof killing the indigenous homeless population and avoiding weirdly shaped trashcans.
Action-52 Rating: 26
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CRAZY SHUFLE
This SHUFLE sure is CRAZY! You're a duodenum racing around an ugly maze. Small spidery-ticks race around randomly, and sometimes collide with you. Sometimes this kills you, other times you get points for it. You also have to pick up the crosses and metal garbage that appears here and there about the raceway. To top it off, you can also squirt out orange squares that kill the spider-ticks. At least each level has a different layout...
Action-52 Rating: 34
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