Total Annihilation ate my Balls!

Do you remember when the internet meme 'Ate My Balls' was popular? I guess it was around 1999, 2000, 2001, etc. Well, we used to think this kind of thing was hilarious as we played our N64s and Saturns. Perhaps history will be kind to us.

The epic war between the Arm and the Core continues.. however, this time it is not merely over the paltry issue of transferring consciousness from flesh to machine.. but over who will control the remaining balls! This week, our ball-cam swings to a lone Arm Commander, who finds himself deep in un-friendly territory.. right under the nose of those ball-eating fiends, the Core! Seeing a chance to strike deep into the heart of the Core's ball-procuring ability, the Arm Commander begins to stealthily explore the planet.. searching for the thing that both sides have tenaciously fought over... BALLS!!

The Arm Commander begins his search on the ocean's bottom... for those sneaky Core bastards would no doubt hide balls in the most crafty of places.

Finding nothing in the ocean, the Arm Commander comes ashore on a seemingly innocuous island.. but before long, the truth becomes apparent! The Core is somewhere close... no doubt researching new ball-acquiring methods that would make even the most stalwart commander blanch in disgust.

    Continuing onward, the commander makes a
    most unpleasant discovery....
 

Shaken by the ball-grabbing shrewdness of the Core, the Arm Commander hurries away and finds a suitable spot to build a base. Working rapidly, he constructs a K-bot (Krotch-bot) lab, and begins nano-lathing an indespensible building... a ball storage facility! Which such storage capability, the Arm could mount a pre-emptive raid on the Core, and return with a veritable treasure-trove of balls... which could be stored and used later when ball-supplies grew lean again!

With the ball-storage completed, and their base still apparently undetected, the Arm commander pauses a moment to reflect on the simplistic beauty of the structure, and breathe in the sweetness of the day. What sad times were these, that men had to wage all-out war merely to avoid the testicular-cravings of metal monsters! What did the Core do with the balls they captured? What motivated their ticking, mechanical minds to chow down on cajones as if they were popcorn shrimp? It was a mystery, all the more insoluble because of the lack of communication between the warring factions. Perhaps the Core could be defeated, but at what cost? With their balls snatched away, used as hors d'oeuvres by the horrific Core, a victory would be Pyrrhic at best. But here, all that seemed far away. For a moment, the commander could live and breathe like the man he longed to be; a man with thoughts on his mind other than the safety of his testicles.

 Alas, the peace is soon shattered by the  rumble of approaching vehicles.  Before  the commander has time to react , a Core  slasher and raider burst from the foliage,  and begin raining explosives on the  ball-storage. Bellowing in a rage of  ball-protecting fury, the Arm commander  leaps to its defense!

Enraged to the point of madness at this malicious violence upon the ball-storage facility, the commander unleashes his D-Gun on the Core vehicles. A deafening explosion fills the air, and the would-be ball-destroyers are no more.

The Arm has won this round...

But the fate of the universe's balls still hangs in the balance.